I am not on my own

When I feel weak...and I want to keep myself in my own quiet corner...
inside my emotions are dark...scary...discomfort...

Then I realized..there's a love...unworldly love...from someone who is greater than me...I knew I have Him. With me in anytime of need...any matter of time when i drift into my own darkness...in any time when I felt..alone...in any matter of time when I felt that my feeling cannot be reached...and I cannot feel who I am...there is Him. Right in the center of my heart..Calling out my name..as his spiritual daughter. I have Him as my Father, my Savior, my God.

I know I have you Lord cuz I felt the warm feeling within me. There will be someone..out there in the worldly world..would potentially give me hard time..but i could careless, O Lord, because I have you..who knows me by name...who knows my past, my present, and my future..having you, Lord, in my life is the best blessing I have ever receive.

I will keep being strong..knowing your strength is within me..I will lay my destiny, my trust to You wholly and entirely. Love is God, God is love.

New beginning...

This is my very first draft that I will be expressing my own experience with Christianity and my relationship with God. The event that I put together here was some occurrence that draw me closer to God as well as inspire me to convert. Here is my story.

The Beginning:

I was born in a country where Christianity is not preferred religion. My family raised me in becoming a good Buddhist. However, for me growing up in such "not-my-choice" environment, I was never find any strong connecting with Buddhism or anything at all per say.The first sign that I have started one night when I had a dream about a friend of mine was possessed by demon and I was there trying to help cast the demon out of her. I prayed in every prayer that I knew from my Buddhist little knowledge in the name of idols god but nothing works. All in the sudden, the Bible came to my hand (out of no where) and I was holding to it. I started to pray in my own language but translated "in the name of father, his son, and holy spirit, may this bad spirit goes away"...the image that I saw in my dream was my friend's face has turned from an ugly sweaty greenish demon face to her normal self....this was the first dream that I had and it never tickers anything to occur. years and years later....

I was lost and my Sheppard hasn't found me yet:

Throughout my growing up years, I moved to Canada and started to live my "very own life". Here is where I learned about the good and the bad which in that time i wasn't able to differentiate the bad from the good. They all seamless to me. I was experiencing all the temptations through alcohols, party, drugs and what not. That is when I realized that people who are surrounded me is judging me in a certain way which im not proud of. Deep in side i knew that for me going to different places, meeting new people, and just party-it-up doesn't seem to make my life whole. I felt missing. I felt incomplete.

Getting to know You:

The journey starts when I met my fiance who is a strong believer and is from a Christian family. He opened up to me one night about what was his reason to introduce me to God and to draw me closer to his God. (by the time He was his God not my God). He put his reason in a very simple way and it makes lot of sense! The reason was for me to try to think about something really good in my life that is happening and you want to share that to your love ones, you would want to share it right? I know. It sounds very simple and it makes sense to me. That was the reason why he wanted to share his love for God with me. He gave an example of how his father was trying to talk about God to one of his cousin who at the moment was living a worldly life. His father's dedication shows her how much he loved her. And that reflects the idea of my fiance feeling towards me. Hearing these words from him was very deep. I can sense that he meant it. And for him to believe in something or someone so strongly, it is a true inspiration for me to learn about who Jesus is and God's word.

The reason my prayer starts was because of my fiance:

The journey of my believe towards God came slowly. I began to pray to him, thank him for his existence, for us to love him, for his guidance, and most of all for his love. I began first to pray for God when my fiance fell ill. I know that this God is the God that he loved and so I started to pray. I pray for him to give me strength to be there for my fiance and for my fiance to have enough strength to recover.

Another Dream:

After i have some what experience Christianity (going to church, read the bible, talk to guidance etc.) I had this dream. In my dream i was looking at the sky. (it might sound familiar with many many dreams and signs that many of you may have) The cloud was moving closer to each other and starting to form. In my dream I thought for sure this is God coming to me. But not quite. Once the cloud has formed it turns into a devilish shape with dark grey color. I knew that something was wrong so i start looking around to the other side of the sky, hoping that I will find something that will ease my fear. There I found lights, shining bright on the other side of the sky. So I lay down on my back on the floor and I started to pray. "Dear God, the greatest God in the highest heaven above. Please come to my life and protect me from all the bad things. Please take me in your hand. Please, God take me in your hand and be with me". Right when I finished my prayer, I felt a moving energy that he came to me through my head and into my body...and I woke up from my dreams. I feeling that I felt was real.

Conversion:

After this dream, I told my fiancé that I think I am ready to become a Christian. He didn't say anything but keep his silence (that means he is thinking and planning in his head). Anyway, 2 days later Pastor from our church came to visit him at his work. And another 2 days later he asked us if we would like to come to his place. We managed our time and went to his house and that when everything happens. He prayed for me. He told me that he can see that God has done his work in my life already. And so we pray. Once it was my turn to pray to God to take me in his hand, my tears broke. I felt the swirling energy inside my body.(that's the best way I can describe it). I felt ensured that I am now accepted by Jesus Christ.

and my journey continue...:

the first step i take after the conversion was literally sign up for this site to read, to share, and to be in a community where I can dedicate my own time at home and find stories about many people around the world and their relationship with God. I am glad that I am now sharing with you. I have to admit that reading other people's story really inspire me to grow stronger in Christ. Seeing example of how people are much more struggled with life makes me thank God even more for him coming to me in this early time.

My prayer:

Dear God, I pray for my mother's happiness for her to experience you God for her to get to know you in person and to realize what is worth to worship. I pray for my dad for him will start getting to know you God. for you to please show him what it is like to love you God. I pray for my sister who was once lost and now in the process of being found. Please Lord give me strength to help her up. In times, I hope she will get to know you God and get to love you as much as I do. I pray for my fiancé family and I thanked them for showing me your love God. I pray for myself to have your strength to continue my faith in you. And I pray for you..thank you God for being God. For you who always be there for us and love us truly and thoroughly, Amen.